No pot of gold..

So several things since I have last posted. One: I took the GRE, I think I tanked. It's really indicative of how much I put into it, the results showed the effort (well, lack of). My heart wasn't really in it, the courses I want to do all don't require it, but i took it to make a contingency plan if I don't get in. The one I really want in on, I've been told I'm strong candidate for. I feel like I'm moving in a direction that seems positive and productive.

At the advice of my doctor (Dr. T), and hubby, I'm giving my folks a bit of a break. Mainly for myself, as I need to learn the Buddhist noble truth of detatchment. By eliminating suffering and expectation, I will learn to just let it go. Mainly speaking about my mother, I have to let go of the expectation she is just going to reform her ways and admit she is wrong, but i know it's not going to happen. So...rather than set myself up for heartache and disappointment, I just need to leave her alone for while, and figure how I'm going to let go of her treatment, towards me and other people. She will never figure out that maybe her behaviour has to change, rather than the whole world is against her. It really boils down to not wanting to be a part of that game any longer. The house has been remarkably peaceful for the last two weeks. She hasn't called, and I haven't called her. She rang last night, and I returned her call today. I was glad she got the presents, and yes I am doing fine. Life is good, I'll see you later. She told me I could 'give her a call sometime'. I said sure. It is going to be a while though. I need to grow without her, and right now I think I'm doing a splendid job.

Two other things, I've re-awakened my joy of walking, and even though it's only been a week, It shows. I feel better for it. I feel more organised, more capable, more likely to stick to a routine. Its crucial for me this year. The year to break the habits of inconsistency and actually do what my mind sets out to do. All of this from just putting one foot infront of the other. Not to mention, the simple joys I get from walked. An otter crossed my path yesterday. It hobbled from the muddy forest scrub on one side of the road, and quickly waddled down the water, with it's fat wedge tail wobbling behind. The very same day I saw the end of a rainbow. It ended right at the bottom of my street into the water. It was stunning. No pot of gold there. I saw an old man one the beach when I got there...Maybe he conned the Leprechaun into giving it over...